The Sex Diaries is one of the best-selling books of all time that explores the battle couples fight when working with their sex life. Sex is a very tricky thing. People try to involve more in it but understand less. One partner may want it more than the other. What turns on a partner may turn off the other. The struggle is real! The book presents a scholarly approach to the sexual incompatibilities, negotiations, and other issues that can make or break the partnership. An eminent sex therapist Bettina Arndt, who is also the author of this book, explains it all for you. Let’s explore!
Table of Contents
The Sex Diaries: An Overview
After working as a leading sex therapist for 35 years, Bettina Arndt squeezed all her experience into this book called The Sex Diaries. She helped many couples deal with their sex life problems, enabling them to make the most out of it. She recruited 98 couples to maintain a diary on their sex negotiations, issues and other struggles. The experiences of the couples were based on the FAQs on sex and their candid explorations. The questions were like, who needs sex more than others, what makes them repulsive about having sex, and several others. She presented this insightful assessment in an intelligible manner in the book, which helped couples to deal with their intimacy issues to a great extent.
Noteworthy Observations Of The Book
The book highlights some of the major realms of the sexual life coping with which the people struggle really hard. Check the below-given points for better understanding:
1: Fading Sex Desire After The First Few Blissful Years
In most cases, she observed how the first few blissful years of sexual joy started fading with time. The same couples who seek intimacy, in the beginning, start avoiding the togetherness. She observed that men longed for it more than women. Contrarily, women crave a sound sleep rather than late-night sex. This inconvenient truth about the pleasure drive is the truth of the many relationships. However, it is not a matter to ignore, but addressing the possible reasons and working on it can resolve many differences. The 328-page long book The Sex Diaries explain it well.
2: Sexual Incompatibility Among The Partners
Sexual compatibility is a state of being in sync with the partner on the things that excite him/her and crave for the intercourse. If not, the partners are sexually incompatible then. It means that the sexual drive of one person can be repulsive to the other. When it happens, the differences start to swell. Talking and finding mid-ways can be a solution. However, most couples are reluctant to talk on these topics openly. After receiving many similar cases, she analyzed the severity of the situation and derived solutions to address the possible combinations of the sexual incompatibility issues.
3: Negotiating With The Sex Supply
The run and chase situation becomes a reality of a relationship after a few years. It is when a partner seeks it more, whereas it becomes a relationship obligation for the other. In this situation, one among the duo starts finding escape, and negotiation comes into the picture. Giving timelines and waiting for the other partner’s desire are some of the most apparent symptoms that depict that negotiation has started in a relationship. Why is it an alarming situation? Does giving your partner space can help? There are similar questions raised and answered in the book by the veteran sex therapist and the author of the book Bettina Arnd.
4: The Universal Night-Time Drama
The universal nightlife drama among the couples comprises several factors affecting their sex life. Where expectations are too high at one end, there can be a huge lack of libido on the other side. It is important that the desire and fantasies must be sizable to some extent. If not, late-night waking in the expectations of the partner’s initiative can go in vain. Besides, there might be one partner who is waiting for the other to sleep or giving him/her excuses to sleep.
They don’t seek intimacy anymore, but a sound sleep becomes their new quest. Starting it with passion and stopping it in the middle can be some of the most infuriating experiences when craving for your partner’s intimacy. It happens every night in the lives of innumerable couples. The proper assessment and agreeable conclusions are very important to deal with this type of situation. Fret not! The Sex Diaries has got you covered.
5: One’s Desire Superseding The Other’s
Desire discrepancies have become an inconvenient truth for many married couples. It simply means that you and your partner have different sexual needs and desires. This difference may, to an extent, be “lot and little”. It may look like an untreatable problem in the beginning and starts affecting the other realms of the relationship. Sexual guilt can be very detrimental, and its triggers the blame game and personal attacks. Bettina Arndt experienced a similar situation now and then and solved it in her book, The Sex Diaries.
Bettina Arndt had squeezed her 35 years of experience as a sex therapist and psychologist to provide an insightful analysis on the sex battles fought in the bedrooms everywhere. The book proposes effective hacks on how couples can enjoy sex while maintaining a spark in their relationships.
The fact that many women are aware of their decreased libido, don’t know why, and aren’t happy about it is an interesting takeaway from reading. The findings in this book assist in explaining why, despite our best attempts, some of us can’t manage to pique our partners’ attention. Even if you aren’t happy with your partner’s libido, you will at least have a better knowledge of why it is the way it is.
Reading this post can help you explore the major findings of Bettina Arndt’s book The Sex Diaries. The major highlights of the book are described in the book in a comprehensive manner. If you like reading this post and want more like this, make a visit to our blog section.
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